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Arnold Schwarzenegger to Lend Velvety, Soothing Voice to the Nature Documentary ‘Wonders of the Sea’

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To narrate a nature documentary requires a certain softness of touch. The key is to wrap the audience up in your smooth tones like an oversize cashmere blanket without allowing it to be so soothing you lull them to sleep. Morgan Freeman mastered the form in his era-defining narration on March of the Penguins, hitting each syllable with the gentle force of a butterfly’s beating wings. It’s an art, and who better to undertake this intricate dance of restraint and delicacy than that most velvety-voiced former bodybuilder, Arnold Schwarzenegger?

A surreal item running on The Hollywood Reporter today announced that the one-time Governator would lend his distinctive vocals to the narration for the new underwater documentary Wonders of the Sea. Directed by Jean-Michel Cousteau (son of famed oceanographer Jacques) and Jean-Jacques Mantello, the film was shot over three years in the open ocean everywhere from the Bahamas to Fiji. The item specifies that the film displays the full majesty of the undersea world in addition to sounding a call to action for natural preservation, but audiences will inevitably lose sight of all that as they sit in gape-mouthed rapture for Arnold’s narration. Imagine all the words he’s going to say: Jullyfeesh, tortle, barakooda. The mind simply reels.

The film will go up for purchase at the film market in Cannes next month in the hopes of securing a worldwide release date for 2017, but Wonders of the Sea is already screening nightly in my dreams. It’s a serene vision of paradise: A family of seahorses floats by, dappled light catching the alpha male just so as he spews forth a load of newborn offspring from his seahorse-hole. And Arnold’s there to capture the whole thing as poetry.

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